A Poem

For homework in Mrs. Curtain's 8^th grade English class at Herman Ridder Junior High in the Bronx, we had to find, bring in and recite a poem. I thought it was one of the dumbest assignments she's ever come up with. It ranked with the time she had me write a composition - right there in class - on why I didn't have my homework assignment.

I still remember aceing  that one: “I have an excellent excuse for not having my homework today,” I wrote, “ and I am sure that if I had more time, I'd be able to think of it.”

She drew a big red “F” across the page. But she could not help laughing. Mission accomplished.

Anyway, the poem I brought in:

“Candy is Dandy

         But liquor is quicker”

She did not like that either, which I had sort of figured, so I had another in reserve. By the same author. I am posting it today, along with this story, for absolutely no reason.

To a Small Boy Standing on my Shoes 
While I am Wearing Them 
-Ogden Nash

(Ogden Nash is my second most favorite poet in the world,

 next of course to Robert Service)

Let’s straighten this out, my little man,
And reach an agreement if we can. 
I entered your door as an honored guest. 
My shoes are shined and my trousers are pressed
And I won’t stretch out and read you the funnies 
And I won’t pretend that we’re Easter bunnies.
If you must get somebody down on the floor,
What in the hell are your parents for?
I do not like the things that you say 
And I hate the games that you want to play. 
No matter how frightfully hard you try, 
We’ve little in common, you and I.
The interest I take in my neighbor’s nursery
Would have to grow, to be even cursory, 
And I would that performing sons and nephews
Were carted away with the daily refuse, 
And I hold that frolicsome daughters and nieces 
Are ample excuse for breaking leases.
You may take a sock at your daddy’s tummy
Or climb all over your doting mummy, 
But keep your attentions to me in check,
Or, sonny boy, I will wring your neck. 
A happier man today I’d be 
Had someone wrung it ahead of me.