Too Little, Too Late?

NYC Police Commissioner Bratton today announced the formation of a new unit within the Department. The unit is completely unique and believed to be unprecedented within law enforcement. It will be specifically aimed at addressing the issues effecting a hitherto overlooked minority group: the vertically challenged. The announcement was made in conjunction with a first look at the unit's specially designed patrol vehicle.

Few details were given, but a Department spokesperson did reveal one new aspect of the campaign to find new recruits for the unit: in a break with NYPD tradition, there will be no minimum height requirements for officers. There will however, be maximum height of 4'11” for all applicants. No explanation was given for this number, but it was apparent that nobody over that height could fit into the car.  Rumors of a maximum weight limitation of 400 pounds have yet to be confirmed but one auto expert who washes car windows in the area said it would probably be a good idea.

In response, a group from 'Black Lives Matter' staged a sit-in, tied up traffic and made lots of noise. Donald Trump said it was about time and claimed that half his employees were under 4' 11" tall. A spokesperson for the candidate later explained that Trump was only referring to the children he employed in Guatemala and Asia. And maybe at a few of his hotels around town, but that they did speak English.

Further details of the NYPD unit and it's mandate of operation have yet to be revealed, but there is a contest for the unit's name. Note that “Short Stuff Squad” and similar smart-ass submissions are not acceptable and people who send them in should be ashamed. 

Commissioner Bratton is also leaving office soon, but claims this is not 'payback' to Mayor deBlazio who nobody likes.