It
is with great sadness that I announce the passing of yet another
victim of what the media is calling The Bowling Green Massacre, my
dear and distant Cousin and beloved founder of Manhattan Mobil Moyls,
Rabbi Sambo “Snipper” Lipschitz.
Reb
Snipper's 'Moylemobile' was a regular fixture at Bowling Green where
he set up shop most evenings. In addition to his
“Circumcision-While-You-Wait” service, a great asset to busy New
Yorkers, he also sold a line of fine quality woman's ready to wear
formals and could always get you a good deal on aluminum siding. He will also be remembered by the many tourists who made the mistake of trying to take photos of him only to be sprayed with the pepper spray he always kept handy.
Anyway, on the tragic evening, he had the misfortune to be right on top of the explosive
charge and was only identified by his mangled surgical shear, a
fragment of an obscene joke tattooed on his lower abdomen and the
remains of the Hebrew National salami he always carried in his
pocket.
His
family and friends deplore the senseless violence that took him from
us in this untimely manner and call upon the authorities to bring the
nogoodniks responsible to justice. They would also like to announce a
sale of slightly blast damaged (but otherwise fine) ladies ready to
wear formals. I would also like the return of the lawnmower he
borrowed in 1987, but that's probably not going to happen.
He is survived by his wife, Boom-Boom, a free lance domitrix who is currently touring with with the Yiddish Theater musical production of "Whipniks" and could not be reached for comment which is probably just as well since they have been seperated for the last 40 years and never had anything good to say about each other anyway.
A
planned memorial service will probably not happen either due to lack
of interest. In lieu of flowers the family has requested
contributions to Reb Snipper's favorite charities, Fondue Bowls For
The Homeless and Perverts Without Partners.
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